


I'll Make A Way (My Way)

by pezzax



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - seventeen only has 12 members, Fluff, Happy Birthday Joshua, Happy Ending, Happy birthday Hong Jisoo, Joshua never became an idol, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Seungkwan's injury, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28430934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pezzax/pseuds/pezzax
Summary: Josh is moving to Korea because his mom thinks he's been floundering ever since graduating from college and hopes that he'll finally find a path in life that makes him happy. All he hopes is that he'll catch a glimpse of his favorite idol, Boo Seungkwan, while he's there. He can't even envision a career that he would want, because all he can think of is his wish that he'd become an idol. But perhaps he'll find a way to make his way in life.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Hong Jisoo | Joshua
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	I'll Make A Way (My Way)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Go, Seungkwan's OST for Record of Youth
> 
> I originally wrote this while facing writer's block on my entry for the SVT Rare Pair challenge, and was holding onto this as backup, just in case I didn't finish in time. But I decided that posting it on Joshua's birthday is better than having a safety net!! 
> 
> Happy birthday Shua!!!

“Boo Seungkwan, I’ll be in the same country as you tomorrow!” Josh sits up in his bed and presses a kiss to his fingertips, then touches the kiss to the poster beside his bed.

He leaves for Korea in the morning, planning to spend at least a year abroad if he can get a job through relatives who he hardly knows - has only met once or twice. He'll be living with those same relatives when he gets there, at least until he is able to get on his feet. 

His mom pressured him to move in the hopes that he'll finally find a path in life that makes him happy. She thinks he's been floundering ever since graduating from UCLA with a double major in music theory and performance. And maybe he has been somewhat stagnant, but only because he just isn't sure what he wants to do with those degrees yet. He is certain that he doesn't want to teach. Really...he dreams of being an idol, but he's too old to achieve that dream now. And lives in the wrong country to boot. And isn't much of a dancer, although he's taught himself every single Seventeen dance, and most of the BTS and TXT and Stray Kids dances too. But he's never done them in front of anyone and is fairly certain that his technique and form leave a lot to be desired. 

He'll be correcting the only one of those three issues that he can correct by following his mom's wishes, but he doesn't have high hopes of ‘finding himself’ in Korea. No, his greatest wish for himself on this trip is to somehow luck into being in the right place at the right time to meet his favorite idol. Even just to catch a glimpse of him, because he refuses to be the asshole American who accosts an idol in public, infringing on his privacy, just to be able to say that he'd talked to or met the adorable singer.

But even though that's his greatest wish for himself, if he only had a single wish, he would rather use it to ensure that Seungkwan is happy. 

He worries about idols. Their lives seem very difficult, especially from the perspective of someone who grew up in L.A. and never really had to study to get great grades or apply himself to be the best employee at his crappy after-school jobs.When he reads about how hard trainees have to work, how much time goes into every comeback, and how little downtime they get year in and year out, then compares that to his own life, he has to admit that he's had it easy. 

He could have done it, he thinks, if he'd been given the opportunity.

Of course, even after they've ‘made it,’ their paths still aren't easy. They are under so much pressure, so much scrutiny. They have no time for relationships, no room for mistakes. It sounds like a terrible way to grow up, a hard life to have chosen. Although obviously, they must find it rewarding once they're famous and successful. 

He thinks he would have found it rewarding...but yeah...with a single wish, he'd wish for his favorite idol’s happiness.

Because these past couple of days have been rough for Seungkwan. He'd injured his ankle and needed surgery. In an already demanding career, Josh is certain that this type of injury had made the singer feel like he'd let down his band mates. It's not as if he could have prevented himself from getting hurt - if he could have, he certainly would have - but that's exactly the kind of pressure that idols put on themselves. They're expected to be flawless at all times, regardless of whether they have control of the situation. And as impossible as the expectations on them are, it seems like they hold themselves to an even higher standard. Josh wishes he could help in some small way. Could tell him not to worry about the fans, not to add ‘being upset about letting people down’ to the stress of trying to heal and recover.

But of course, millions of other fans are posting those same sentiments on Twitter and Weverse, so hopefully the idol has gotten the message.

# 🎵 🎶 🎵

It's not surprising that he talks in his sleep that night, the worry and excitement over his trip making his brain do strange things. “I gireun naye road movie. Nae gireun oraen norae norae.” The lyrics that his mind weaves into his dreams come out in a mixture of the Korean that he's been struggling so hard to learn and the English that sounds so beautiful on his favorite idol's tongue. The sound of his own voice startles him out of sleep. He's a little embarrassed to be talking in his sleep, doubly so to be reciting lyrics from his current favorite song, but there's really no reason to be embarrassed - his poster is the only witness.

# 🎵 🎶 🎵

He tries to sleep on the flight, part of his mind fretting over whether sleeping will cause him to have jet lag or prevent it, another part wondering whether he'll be able to recognize the uncle who is meeting him at the airport. His grandmother said she'd make him hold a sign with his name on it, but even that...he's not sure if it will be in English, and his ability to read Korean writing, Hangul, is very limited. He has to sound out each word like he did in English when he was a preschooler.

When he finally lands in Seoul and follows the crowd to baggage claim so he doesn't have to struggle to read the airport signs, he picks up his hard-sided guitar bag and his giant suitcase and then looks for his uncle. Luckily there are only a handful of people holding signs. One is a female, and two have signs written in English. He only has to sound out four signs to find the one with his name. It takes him longer than he would have liked, because none of the signs say Joshua Hong, or even Hong Joshua. He finally finds the one that says Hong Jisoo. 

# 🎵 🎶 🎵

After five days of living outside the city with his grandmother, studying Korean to try to improve enough to hold a job, and working on translating his resume to Hangul, he thinks he might just go insane if he doesn't have a change of scenery soon, and someone else to talk to. Like the sign at the airport, his grandmother calls him Jisoo, his Korean name, and it makes him feel homesick. No one has ever called him that. Everyone calls him Josh, except his parents who stick with Joshua. 

He is thrilled when his uncle returns to take him back into the city to apply for jobs.

They stay at the family apartment in Cheongdam-dong, which is an area of Seoul that he's never heard of, but it's near Gangnam-gu, which he has. It belongs to his grandmother, and his uncle lives there full time. Although he'd been wishing for a change of scenery, he finds the first few nights with his uncle to be stressful compared to the almost meditative existence he'd fallen into with his grandmother. 

His uncle spends long hours at work each day and instructs Josh to order and pick up dinner each night. As chores go, this shouldn't be a very difficult one, but considering his difficulty with the language, it isn't so easy either. He ends up spending the majority of each day wandering the neighborhood to find restaurants that look appetizing, then sits reading the menu for hours to discern the offerings. 

As they eat the dinners that he orders each night, his uncle quizzes him on various subjects, getting to know his strengths and weaknesses, holding mock job interviews, and apparently trying to figure out what sort of job might work for him.

On his third day in Seoul, he encounters a sign advertising “Idol Makeovers - No Appointment Needed.” He has to consult his Papago app to be sure that he's reading the sign correctly, but then walks in and asks for the complete idol makeover. His grandmother had given him money to spend in Seoul, telling him to buy things that made him happy, because she was covering all of his expenses until he found a job. He decides to splurge, and gets a facial, manicure, pedicure, and a new hairstyle. They offer him a complimentary cosmetics analysis and application, so he shrugs and accepts that addition to his spa day. 

When the stylist asks what color he'd like to go with his hair, he tells her to surprise him...but then, he chickens out a bit, adding that he's currently applying for jobs, and so should probably stick to natural hair colors. He's completely floored when she turns him around to see his hair and it is practically colorless…platinum blonde and curled. This isn't a color or style he ever would have chosen for himself, but he has to admit that he looks more like an idol than he ever could have imagined.

At the cosmetics counter, the lady who applies his makeup explains each color choice, and shows him how to apply each product. He's so impressed with her knowledge and results that he ends up buying several of the products plus a sampler ten-step skin care regimen. Back in L.A., his skin care process consisted of scrubbing his face with soapy water in the shower and applying some ointment if he had a pimple.

He leaves the salon feeling more confident than he has since he graduated.

That night, his uncle studies him for several minutes before finally saying “Your hair looks good like that.” Josh isn't sure whether he's being polite or honest, but appreciates the feedback either way, and thanks him in English. He then tells Josh, “You really need to keep working on your Korean if you want to work here. There aren't many jobs that will take someone who can't even read and write. Not jobs you'd want, anyway. I've been trying to find you a position through friends, since my company isn't hiring right now, but my boss said that I could bring you in to meet her tomorrow.”

“Thank you uncle. I really appreciate everything you've done for me.”

“You have a suit to wear, right? Your mother said you brought some.” Josh nods. He brought several suits, his mother thinking that he would need them for whatever job he ended up getting. All he could think as he packed them was that there isn't any job that he'd like enough to wear a suit every single day. But he can't tell his uncle that when he's doing so much to help. “Your mother also tells me that you're obsessed with k-pop bands. Is that right? Which is your favorite?”

“Seventeen.” He doesn't know why his uncle cares about this, so he keeps his answer short but polite.

“What do you like so much about them? You have a favorite member?”

Again, these seem like odd questions compared to the ones he's been asking all week, but perhaps he's just trying to be friendly. “I love their music, first and foremost. But they're just...amazing. To me, everything they do is better than any other band. Their music is more complex and yet also more powerful, their dances are extremely difficult but they're more in sync, their personalities are more interesting, their fan chants are more fun, and their show Going Seventeen is one of the best things I've ever watched.” His uncle smiles at him, apparently just happy to see him answer one of his questions with some passion for once. He remembers that his uncle asked who his favorite member was. “My favorite is Boo Seungkwan. He has the most beautiful voice and a fantastic range. In a group of twelve members, where everyone has a strong personality, his is the strongest. He's the mood maker of the group, and he's just...wonderful!”

“Sounds like you're very biased toward him.” His uncle pats his hand across the dinner table, chuckling slightly - at Josh’s expense, but it definitely isn't an unkind gesture - stands up, stretches, and heads to bed. “We leave for the office at 7 am on the dot. Wear your best suit. Look sharp. Sleep well.”

# 🎵 🎶 🎵

Josh wakes up at 5 o'clock, so he has time to marinate under a hot shower to wake up. He shaves, fixes his platinum curls the way they showed him at the salon, and puts on a touch of makeup to smooth his complexion and highlight his cheekbones. He slicks a lightly tinted balm onto his lips and presses them together like he was shown. Once he's dressed in his best suit, he thinks he looks pretty darn good...but wonders, from all of his uncle's questions and comments, what sort of job he's even applying for today. He supposes it really doesn't matter, he will just do his best and see what comes of it. He refuses to embarrass his uncle, and figures he can handle any job temporarily.

In the car, on the way to his uncle's office, the conversation from last night is suddenly resumed. His uncle's voice is more serious than he's ever heard it. “Last night, you said you love Seventeen and especially Seungkwan. I need you to understand that I will lose my job if you let that slip today. You act professionally today, no matter who you see walking through the hallways. Got it?”

“Umm, yeah, got it.” Josh doesn't get it at all. He spends several minutes contemplating the odd instructions, then asks, “Uncle, who might I see in the hallways? Where do you work?”

“Pledis, of course. Didn't anyone ever tell you that?” They pull into a parking structure, into a space that looks out at the building across the street, which has the word Pledis written above the door in white letters on a dark grey brick wall. 

Josh feels like he might hyperventilate. Or throw up. Maybe both.

Amazingly, he makes it inside without doing either. 

“I'll take you on a tour of the building, introduce you to my boss, and then I need to talk to her for a bit before we find out if there's any chance of a position opening here that you could fill. I was thinking you could wait for me in the cafe.”

Josh nods. “That sounds good. Thank you.” His stomach doesn't like that plan at all. “Uncle, can I go to the restroom before we go on that tour?” 

His uncle takes one look at him and quickly leads him to the nearest restroom. “You look a bit peaked. Splash some water on your face. Take a few minutes to pull yourself together.”

Josh steps into the room, but doesn't want to splash water on his face and mess up his makeup. His uncle pokes his head into the room, “I just got an urgent email, and need to run to my desk. I'll probably be gone for about twenty or thirty minutes, so don't rush. When you're done in here, step out into the hallway, but don't go anywhere. There are lots of places in this building that you aren't allowed, so don't wander at all. I'll be back soon.”

# 🎵 🎶 🎵

He is standing in the hallway, across from a door with a combination lock on the handle, feeling completely awkward and out of place while he waits for his uncle to return. People are bustling past, busy running the company that he's thrown so much of his money at over the past several years, while he stands here, mind completely blown that he's inside a building with the members of Seventeen and Nu’est. Somewhere in this building, Bumzu and Woozi are probably hammering out the details of a new song. He's breathing the same air that just witnessed them talking about lyrics and melodies and beats before going into the air conditioning system and making its way to him.

The door across the hall from him opens and a man backs out, holding out a finger heart and laughing. “Saranghae, Boo Seungkwan!” Josh jolts with recognition. He knows that name. Hands from inside the room shove at the man, and he lets himself be pushed from the doorway to stumble theatrically back and hit the wall that Josh is currently using to hold himself up. He knows that man - Vernon Chwe is now standing beside him, laughing like an idiot in love and holding both hands to his chest, as if his heart hurts. “I confess my love and this is how you react? You're an abusive boyfriend, Boo!” Laughter bubbles up from the owner of the pushy hands inside the room, and Josh thinks he might die. He knows that laugh.

He couldn't possibly have gotten luckier in his timing, could he? To actually see Vernon, hear Seungkwan, and OH EM GEE, hear confirmation that Verkwan is real from their own lips? The only thing that would make it better would be to see Seungkwan too.

“I hate you, Chwe Hansol!” The laughter behind those words gives lie to their meaning. “You're not boyfriend material if this is how you treat me! Go. Go off and spend your day with Woozi hyung. I'll just spend my day trying not to die of abject boredom. All alone, with nothing to do because of you.” 

And then, praise God, hallelujah, he follows those words into the hallway. 

Josh knows he's staring, but God, they're both even more gorgeous in person. He’d thought maybe they wouldn't be, if he'd ever gotten lucky enough to see them in person - well, in person closer up than the front row concert tickets he'd gotten for every one of their concerts in L.A., that is. Neither of them have on makeup, the roots of their hair are showing their natural color, and they're dressed down in hoodies and sweats...and yet, because of that, their natural good looks show through more than when they're all dolled up. The charisma rolls off both men in waves.

Josh thinks he could die right now and he would be content with his life.

Seungkwan watches as Vernon walks away, leaning full body against the door jam with a fond lingering smile on his lips. Then he turns and notices Josh for the first time. “Good morning.” He bows slightly and Josh returns the greeting and the bow, trying not to faint from joy, trying to remember his uncle's admonishments. Then Seungkwan says a longer sentence, and it takes Josh a second to translate. Something along the lines of “Are you newly arrived?”

“Yes,” Josh answers, because he's just arrived at Pledis, and is practically still newly arrived in Korea. Either way, it works.

“Oh, wonderful!” Seungkwan grabs his hand and then shouts to Vernon’s retreating back. “They've already sent your replacement, and he's even prettier than you are!” Vernon blows him a kiss as he turns the corner at the end of the hall and then disappears from view. Seungkwan turns his attention back to Josh, whose cheeks feel hot from that comment, and tugs on his hand, still not letting go. “Come on.” And he pulls him into the room that VERKWAN had just been hanging out in.

Once in the room, Seungkwan plops down onto a couch, and uses both hands to lift his leg up from a knee crutch onto an Ottoman with a pillow on top of it. “Oh, let me help you.” Josh is upset with himself for forgetting Seungkwan’s injury, he'd been so enamored by the hand holding, he hadn't even realized that it was to help the younger man balance with half of his leg resting on a crutch.

He leans back into the couch and lets Josh adjust his foot on the pillow to keep his foot elevated. “I'm supposed to be using this or those things at all times, but I hate them both.” Seungkwan rests a hand on the vacated knee crutch and nods toward a pair of traditional crutches. “No weight on my foot for another two weeks. Ugh! I hate this! I need to be healed for Caratland, you know?” 

Josh agrees wholeheartedly. That has been weighing on his mind a lot lately too...would his favorite idol be healed in time for the online event that he couldn't wait to attend? Of course, he and all of the other Carats would prefer Seungkwan to skip the fan event entirely if that's what he needs to do to be fully healed.

“Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm being rude. I haven't even gotten your name yet. Are you older than me?” 

He nods, and introduces himself as Joshua, hoping to feel less homesick if he hears his American name. But the way Seungkwan forms the word still sounds so foreign. Nothing at all like being called Josh at home. Even so, it still fills him with a rush of warmth to hear his name in that breathy voice. 

“You can call me Seungkwan.” The second time Seungkwan uses his name, he shortens it, like all of his friends back home do, but uses the opposite half of his name. “Shua...can I call you that, Shua hyung?” He nods, so choked up by his love for the new nickname that he can't remember his Korean words. It's not as if “ne” is difficult to remember...doesn't matter though, because in that moment, it is. But also, the word ‘yes’ just doesn't encompass all of the things he wants to say in response to that question. The fact that he has a nickname here - given to him by none other than Boo Seungkwan - brings a feeling of being home, of belonging enough to be given a nickname. And that wouldn't have happened if Seungkwan had tried to call him Josh, because the name would have sounded too different from what his friends in L.A. call him.

Josh - no, Shua - he thinks maybe he'll never let anyone call him any other name - finally finds his words. “What can I do? Are you comfortable?”

“Hansol, that rat you saw slinking out of here a minute ago, was supposed to help me get this VR headset working so I wouldn't get bored today, but he didn't want to admit that he didn't know how to do it, so he bolted to go to the studio with Woozi. Can you believe he was just going to leave me here, all alone with nothing to do? I'm glad you came to my rescue, Shua hyung.” 

“Oh. Me too.” Shua doesn't think he's ever uttered such a simple sentence with so much truth behind it. “I, umm, I can probably help. What's the problem?”

“I don't even know where to begin. That's the problem. It needs to be set up for this room, and I'm not supposed to be standing up at all, so how do you set it up for someone who is sitting down? And I want to play Beat Saber, but not any of the stupid songs that come with it. I've heard that people make maps of our songs and other good stuff that I'd actually want to hear while I'm playing.” He holds out the hand controllers tentatively. “So, what do you think, Shua hyung? Can you be my hero?”

Shua nods. “Yeah. I think so.” A part of him wants to respond with flirty words, because everything Seungkwan says is so dramatic and borderline flirtatious. He imagines if he'd responded with “I'd love to be your hero, Seungkwan,” Seungkwan might have blown a kiss at him in response, jokingly of course, because he's in love with Vernon, but still. It would have been fun. His lips curve up in a smile just thinking about it, as he grabs the headset off the table across the room from Seungkwan.

“You really are pretty, the way your lips curve at the corners into a natural smile all the time is adorable. And your features are so delicately beautiful. You should have been an idol instead of a…”

Shua has no idea what those last few words meant, but the rest of it has him blushing profusely and ducking his head. “Kamsahamnida, Seungkwan-ssi.” He puts the VR headset over his eyes, happy for the semblance of being hidden.

“Yah! What did I tell you? Call me Seungkwan… None of that formality! You're older than I am, hyung!” Shua would have bet money that if Seungkwan weren't couch-bound right now, he'd have gotten punched in the arm for forgetting and slipping into formal speech.

He begins navigating the menus, grateful beyond words that the headset is just a newer model of the one he's used for years. The menus are all set up similarly to his, and his broken sounding-out of the Korean words gets him the rest of the way through the setup menu. If it takes him fifteen minutes longer than it ever would have on an English system, Seungkwan doesn't seem to question it, hopefully just assuming that the task is really that difficult, rather than suspecting that Shua reads on a kindergarten level.

He lifts the headset and turns to see Seungkwan staring at him as if what he's been doing was the most interesting thing he's ever seen. “OK, it's ready. And it looks like someone already installed Beat Saber.” Thank God, because he's not sure he'd have managed that task with his limited ability to read Korean.

“Yeah, I think that's as far as Hansol got before abandoning me to eternal loneliness and boredom.”

Shua pulls the headset and hand controllers off, and shuffles over to sit on the edge of the Ottoman, careful not to jostle Seungkwan’s ankle. He sets the visor down and says, “Left hand,” and slips the strap for the controller onto the younger man's wrist, then threads the controller onto his hand. Without being told, Seungkwan offers him his right hand for the same process. Then Shua pulls the visor onto Seungkwan’s head, trying very hard to ignore how close he has to lean in to do so.

“It's too tight. How do you loosen it?” And Shua has to lean even closer, reaching around to the back of Seungkwan’s head to twist the knob that loosens the headset. He tries, but fails, not to notice how absolutely divine Seungkwan smells...a citrus scent so fresh and clean that it makes his mouth water, mixed with a hint of vanilla and some earthy additive that reminds him of Sandalwood. 

He didn't intentionally leave the explanation of the buttons on the controllers until Seungkwan was unable to see them, but isn't remotely upset by the fact that this means he now has to touch Seungkwan's hands to explain how to navigate… physically moving Seungkwan's fingers to the different buttons and triggers as he explains them. “While you launch Beat Saber and…” He can't possibly come up with the Korean word for tutorial. “...get started, I'll download all of the mods required to play custom maps.” He has to say ‘download’ and ‘mods’ in English, but Seungkwan doesn't seem to find it too strange. Having the idol start with the tutorial has the added benefit that he can download the mods on his phone and then transfer the files over, so he won't have to navigate all of the websites in Korean. 

“Wait. You have to teach me how to do that part too. I have to show Hansol that I'm smarter than he is with VR technology!”

Shua pulls back, both mentally and physically at the reminder that this is someone else's boyfriend. He can be obsessed all he wants, but he has to hide it. It isn't as if an idol would be interested in him anyway. ‘He did say I am pretty enough to be an idol’, a part of him argues, but he tamps it down. “OK, I'll show you after you play a few songs.”

He can hear the music through the speakers on the headset, but Seungkwan doesn't go into a song. When the sample music finishes, he turns his head to roughly where Shua is standing and asks, “Can you get the second headset working too? So we can play multiplayer?” 

“Sure.” Shua looks around and finds the second system sitting on the far side of the table. 

He gets the mods downloaded, transferred, and installed on the second system, only distracted by Seungkwan’s seated beat saber dancing a few thousand times per minute. But to install onto Seungkwan's system, he has to interrupt the game and shut the program down until he has everything updated. He waits until the end of the song to call Seungkwan's name.

The idol pulls the headset off, sets it on the couch, and turns his flushed and beaming smile on Shua. “Thank you so much! It's been too long since I've been able to do any real exercise and I don't want to get out of shape while I heal, you know? At least now I can do some fun arm exercise. What's the next step? Are you ready to show me how to…” 

Again, Shua misses words but gets the gist of his sentence and just answers vaguely. “Yeah, you have to exit the game first.”

“Oh OK.” He puts the visor back on to comply, then asks, “Can you show me the website where you download the mods?” Luckily, he says website, download, and mods in English, perhaps taking a cue from Shua’s earlier choice to do so. 

“Umm. I'm… sorry. I don't know the Korean sites to download them. I got them on my phone and moved them over.” 

“Oh.” Seungkwan considers for a moment. “So, is that why the program on the screen is in English?”

Shua can feel a blush heat his face. “Yeah, that's the mod app. I'm sorry. It will be in English.”

“That's OK.” But Shua can tell that Seungkwan is a little sad, probably because this means that Hansol is going to have to help him mod the program in the future anyway. “How about the custom maps?”

“I tried to find a site in Korean for that, but umm…” He already admitted that he was newly arrived in Korea, may as well come clean now. “I can't read Hangul well enough to find one. I usually download from Beast Saber dot com.” 

Seungkwan repeats the web address, moving his lips, but not making a sound, apparently trying to commit the words to memory. 

“Here, I wrote it down for you.” He hands him the sticky note he had found and written on. 

Then, Seungkwan apparently lets his thoughts catch up to the rest of Shua’s sentence. “How did you become a...if you can't read?” There are several words in the center of that sentence that Shua can't understand.

“I didn't follow that...I'm sorry. I told you, I just got to Korea a couple of weeks ago. I've been trying to improve my...talking...but my writing and reading are still very limited.”

Seungkwan studies him for long enough that he starts to get self conscious, so he tries to turn the attention back to the PC screens on the table. “Look, I've navigated to the beast saber site, and here are all of the Seventeen songs that have been mapped.”

Seungkwan's eyes light up. “Left and Right has already been done? And MyMy?” 

Shua smiles, “Yeah, I'm friends on Discord with the people who mapped MyMy; I love their maps!” 

They spend another thirty minutes or so browsing the maps, downloading anything that Seungkwan is remotely interested in playing. He's thrilled that they find some Wonder Girls. Shua unzips the files and moves them into the custom maps folder, carefully showing Seungkwan each step a few times, and then writing the steps down, so that he can repeat them when other members want to download more.

He helps Seungkwan load back into Beat Saber and navigate to the custom maps, and watches as he plays a few more songs, now enjoying his own music and that of his favorite bands instead of the lame songs that come with the game. Shua enjoys listening to him singing along with the songs as he plays.

And finally, they get ready to go online together to test out multiplayer mode. “You have to sit down too. It won't be fair if I'm sitting and you get to stand. Come here.” He pats the couch next to him and Shua obeys, finally starting to get over the stunned, starstruck trance that has consumed him every time he actually thinks about what's happening.

Just as Shua begins to pull the headset on his head, the door to the room flies open, and his uncle storms into the room, whisper yelling, so as not to be heard outside of the room until the door clicks shut, then allowing his volume to ratchet up to match his anger. “Here you are! I've been looking everywhere, you ungrateful, inconsiderate, American brat! I told you not to move from that spot until I returned! I'm putting my job on the line to try to get you a position, and I told you…I think I made myself very clear this morning...that you had to be on your absolute best behavior. And what do you do? The moment my back is turned, you sneak off to play video games - in a room that you wouldn't be allowed inside even if I _had_ been able to get you a job! I love my job, and would be devastated if…”

Shua jumps up as soon as his uncle enters the room, aghast that he'd forgotten him so completely, bowing low in imitation of Korean custom as he apologizes repeatedly.

Seungkwan has clearly heard all of this, and Shua wonders if he's ever in his life been so mortified. Peripherally, he sees the idol finally lifting the VR headset, and then sees his uncle’s realization of who is in the room with him. 

His uncle changes his tirade mid sentence, “Nephew! What did I tell you about interacting with the idols? Especially with Seungkwan-ssi?” He then begins bowing and apologizing himself. “Seungkwan-ssi, I am so sorry that my idiot nephew bothered you.”

Seungkwan speaks more quietly than he has since the moment Shua met him, but somehow manages to be heard over his uncle's apologies. “Director Hong, why are you yelling at my new…” Similar words to what he'd said earlier. Shua turns his head slightly to look at Seungkwan, surprised that Seungkwan didn't tell his uncle not to bother with the formal language, even though he obviously knows him well enough to remember his name. And also confused as to what the ending of that sentence could have been, that places him as anything belonging to Seungkwan through the word ‘my’. 

His uncle clarifies inadvertently, no longer yelling now that he knows Seungkwan is in the room. “Please, Seungkwan-ssi, give us a moment.” He grabs Shua by the upper arm and drags him across the room, speaking in English in the hopes that that will keep the idol from understanding, “How dare you lie to an idol to get close to him! You told Seungkwan that you were his new personal assistant? Even if I'd managed to get you a job here, with your inability to read or write Hangul, you'd have started as a courier or a janitor, never a P.A. to an idol. And especially not to your favorite idol!”

Even from across the room, Seungkwan hears and understands the dressing down he's receiving, and once again interrupts, coming to Shua’s defense, “Director Hong, Shua hyung told me the truth from the moment we met. I dragged him in here against his will to help me and was impressed by his knowledge and poise under pressure. The manager hyung told me that they would hire an assistant while I'm recovering, and I've been refusing, saying that it felt like they were getting me a babysitter, to ensure that I don't try to walk until I'm healed. But having Shua as my assistant doesn't feel like that. I want to hire him for the very reasons that you say he wouldn't be hired. One of my goals during my recovery is to improve my English skills and my understanding of American culture. Shua hyung is the perfect choice to help me, and in turn, I can help him improve his Korean. It makes me feel like the relationship is beneficial to both of us, instead of just having someone who sits around to take care of me.”

His uncle folds himself into a bow again as he contradicts the idol's words, “But Seungkwan-ssi, I just tried to get my nephew a position with Pledis and was told that they would not hire him.”

“I'll take care of that later. They'll hire him at my insistence. Thank you, Director Hong.” It's a clear dismissal, and Shua winces in anticipation of how his uncle will react once they go home that evening. But just as his uncle reaches the door, Seungkwan adds, “I will be sure to praise your recommendation of Shua to the company. You've shown great foresight in bringing him. He's perfect for me.” 

Shua is still bowing low, glancing up through the fringe of his hair when the door shuts his uncle out of the room. “Favorite idol, huh?” Seungkwan says it in English, his tone extremely teasing. Then back to Korean, “You never mentioned that part.”

He can feel the blush all the way into the tips of his ears. “Yeah, well, you never asked.” 

“Well, I'm asking now. Am I really your favorite?”

Shua thinks he'll sound like a total loser if he admits just how infatuated he is with the man in front of him, or at least, with his public image...which admittedly, so far, seems pretty much in line with the person he's spent the past hour with. He deflects, figuring if it comes off sounding like flirtation, so be it. “Wouldn't you like to know? But you'll have to earn that information. Think you're ready to beat me at multiplayer yet?”

“Wait...really? I assumed you'd throw the games so I'd feel better about myself. You would really beat your favorite idol?” 

“Yes, yes, I would. You have millions of fans out there, so I'm not worried about your ego.” They both laugh, even though it wasn't actually all that funny...but the smiles linger until it almost becomes awkward, so Shua sighs and says, “I'm never going to live this down, am I?” 

“Nope, probably not. But don't worry. I like you even more now that I know I'm your favorite. And I already liked you a lot to start with. Let's play!”

They play several songs, with Shua winning easily at first and cracking up at the animation of Seungkwan’s avatar turning to dust and getting swept away by the flow of the music. As Seungkwan starts to improve, Shua starts letting him win a few songs. Initially, he just wants Seungkwan to see the way the avatar gets swept away, but the sound of Seungkwan's joyous laughter is addictive, so he loses a few more songs intentionally too.

“I'm not going to play with you if you throw the games!” Seungkwan rips his headset and hand controllers off after the third song he wins. “I was joking about you letting me win! It's no fun to win if the other person isn't even trying.” 

Shua should probably be apologizing, but instead, he's lifted his headset to rest on top of his head and is completely enamored by Seungkwan's pouty rant. 

“I'm tired and achy anyway.” The idol flops back against the couch, but then almost immediately leans forward to try to massage his calf, which looks like it will just hurt his back. 

Shua manages to snap out of his trance, and says, “Here let me help.” Setting his VR equipment to the side, he sits on the Ottoman and gently presses his thumbs into Seungkwan's muscular calves. “I'm not sure what areas to avoid. I don't want to hurt you.”

“You can take the boot off,” he reaches up and pulls at the velcro holding his ankle boot in place to show Shua how to do it, “and then anywhere except the few inches above and below the ankle, as long as you don't try to flex it.”

Shua is still worried about hurting him, but Seungkwan's sighs of contentment ease his concerns somewhat. “So...my uncle...you seem to know him pretty well, since you know his name. Or maybe you make a point of knowing everyone's names who work here?” He feels like an idiot, of course the members of Seventeen, especially outgoing Seungkwan, would know the names of the people who spend their lives ensuring that all of the hard work they do doesn't go to waste. 

“I mean, I do try. But there are a lot of people who work for Pledis. I certainly don't know them all.”

“It's just...I didn't even know that he worked here until we arrived at the building this morning, and now the curiosity is killing me. What does he do?”

Seungkwan laughs, “God, that must have been a trip, arriving for an interview and realizing that you're at the Pledis building.”

“You have no idea!”

“Oh, I think I have an inkling. Unlike you, I may have known where I was heading, but as a young teenager traveling all the way from Jeju, I was convinced I was about to die of nerves when I got out of the car in front of this building.” He leans forward and places his hand on top of Shua’s, which stills its massaging. “I think it worked out pretty well for both of us.” He shoves a throw pillow behind his lower back and sinks back into the couch. “As for your uncle, he's the manager of the Going Seventeen staff. He helps us pull together every wild and crazy idea that we come up with and make them reality. And most importantly, he's the final editor of all of the GoSe content.”

“Oh my God.” Shua slumps to put his head in both hands, shaking with laughter. “My own uncle has been one of my favorite people all of this time without me even knowing! I love Going Seventeen, and the editor's comments absolutely crack me up!”

Seungkwan kicks his foot with his good leg, “Yah! You have too many favorites!! I thought I was your favorite! And you're not even massaging my injured leg anymore.” 

Shua sits back up, still laughing, now at Seungkwan's feigned outrage and starts massaging, on the arch of Seungkwan's foot this time. “Don't worry, you're my absolute most tippyest top favorite.” He says it in English because he has no idea how to say something silly like that in Korean and doesn't know if Seungkwan even understands the words. 

“Mmm that feels nice.” The two sit in a comfortable silence for several long minutes while Seungkwan taps on his phone and Shua continues to ease the tight muscles in his foot. “OK, you're hired. Want to go to lunch with me and my mom? I have to go to physical therapy afterwards and figured I'd go straight there from the cafe.”

“What? What do you mean I'm hired? Just like that? Don't I need to interview? Give them my resume?”

“Your uncle already turned in all of the paperwork, you just have to sign a few forms sometime today. Lunch?”

“Yeah. Of course. I mean...if you want me there. I know you don't get to spend a whole lot of time with your mom.” One of the first things Shua fell in love with about Seungkwan was how close he was to his mom. Shua loves his own mom, and they're close, but she also gets on his nerves a bit, always after him to do more with his life. Maybe he'd feel more like Seungkwan if he'd been separated from his family as a young teenager, but regardless, seeing that connection made him suspect that Seungkwan loves more deeply than other people. And he found that extremely endearing.

“No, I don't. That's probably been the most positive result of my injury, is getting to see her. She's been here since the day of the surgery. But honestly, we're running out of things to talk about over lunch and dinner each day. It will be nice to have you there.”

“OK, sure. I'd love to. Wait...I mean...am I working today? Should I be doing something else? Do I even get a lunch break?”

“Yeah, they said they'd put it in that you started this morning. And your job description is that you go wherever I go until I send you home each day. I promise not to keep you out too late...unless you want me to.” 

Shua doesn't even know how to process this information. If he can't be an idol - which he's already accepted that ship has sailed - this would pretty much be his dream job that he’s never even dreamt was possible. And then, to make matters even more insane, he'd swear that Boo Seungkwan keeps flirting with him. 

“Help me put the boot back on, Shua hyung, and then I'll show you how the knee crutch fastens to my leg. I'm not steady enough on it to walk very far without a bit of help, but it keeps me from having to use those implements of torture.” It helps to have something concrete that needs to be done; he can stop worrying about whether this is reality and focus on the task at hand.

Once the boot and crutch are secure, Shua helps Seungkwan up and then holds his hand to steady him the whole way to the first floor.

# 🎵 🎶 🎵

Before they get to the idol entrance of the Pledis Cafe, where they are planning to have lunch, the idol pulls him into an office and over to the desk of an older woman, announcing, “Here he is, Noona. Thank you for getting all of the paperwork ready.”

He pushes Shua into one of the two chairs in front of her desk, grabs a pen from a cup, and then collapses into the other chair with an exhausted sigh that worries Shua. On the third form that he has to sign - without taking the time to read them, because that would take him ages to translate - he sees that his new salary is almost double what his uncle told him was the best he could expect. Seungkwan apparently notices the widening of his eyes at the figure and bends to whisper, “I may have negotiated a bit on your behalf.”

The woman apparently has supersonic hearing, because she replies to his whisper, “He demanded to know if his health was worth so little to the company when he saw our initial offer. Then threatened to walk down here on his injured ankle, without crutches, to discuss increasing the amount when he saw our second offer. This is the third and final offer, so I suggest you take it.” Seungkwan has the grace to blush and avert his gaze, but the small smile on his lips says that he doesn't regret his blackmail tactics.

“Oh, ummm, yes, of course. Thank you.” Shua can hardly string words together to respond, but manages to get out a polite enough response that he won't be kicking himself later for being rude.

Accepting his first ‘adult’ job goes much quicker than he expected and they're soon in the not-so-secret idol room at the back of the Pledis Cafe and he's meeting Mrs. Boo. Although he was nervous before arriving, it is almost instantly apparent that Seungkwan gets his charisma honestly. His mom is warm and friendly and knows how to keep a conversation moving without making it feel arduous. Lunch passes quickly, with lots of laughter, good food, and easy companionship.

As they head to the physical therapy office, the idol squeezes his hand. “Thank you, Shua hyung for being so kind to my mom at lunch. I think you're quickly becoming my favorite too.”

“But I didn't do anything special. It was all her. Your mom is amazing. She made lunch so comfortable when I was worried it would be awkward.” He contemplates the rest of Seungkwan's statement while they walk, thinking that he's going to have to set some boundaries before his heart explodes.

# 🎵 🎶 🎵

At the physical therapist, Shua discovers that this is Seungkwan's first appointment. His ankle is only just now to the point that they want to start, very slowly, working to strengthen it. They have Seungkwan do some careful exercises, flex his foot to measure the range of mobility, and finish with a massage. Through it all, the therapist gives Shua instructions on what the idol can and can't do at this point in the healing process. They teach him some of the massage techniques that they're using, showing him exactly how close he can get to the injury, and explaining that massage increases blood flow, which helps with healing. Most of all, they caution him about a hundred times not to let Seungkwan overdo it, trying to get back on his feet before his body is actually ready. That's the absolute best way to ensure that the healing process will take even longer, apparently.

When they finally leave the therapist’s office, Shua's head is swimming with all of the instructions he just received - and moreso that _he's_ somehow the person responsible for Boo Seungkwan's post physical therapy instructions - but he thinks he's managed to commit them all to memory. 

Seungkwan leads him to the elevators and chooses the basement floor. He uses the shiny metal doors of the elevator to adjust his reddish hair, holding it down for a moment to frown at the black roots, and then fluffing it all and shaking his head back and forth a bit, so that it ends up looking exactly like it did when he started. “Ready to meet my brothers, Shua hyung?” 

Shua pretends that he wasn't staring, entranced by seeing up close the nervous habit that the singer often does in videos. “Umm...I guess...now is as good a time as any.” He's totally not ready, but can't imagine that he'll ever be ready, so may as well just rip the band-aid off immediately.

But then he remembers his earlier thoughts about self-preservation and setting boundaries. “You know, Seungkwan, earlier you said I was... umm… you don't have to tease me about being your favorite. I know that we just met… and you have eleven bandmates who are all your closest friends. Besides, I wouldn't want Vernon to hear you say that and get upset.”

“What does Hansol have to do with anything? He's the one who abandoned me today!”

“I heard you two when he was leaving. It's OK. You don't have to hide your relationship from me. I probably just signed a...Non disclosure agreement...anyway, but I would never tell regardless.” He has no idea if Seungkwan understands the English words, but he doesn't know how to say them in Korean.

“A non-dis-what? You… heard? What did you…? ...ohhhhhh. We just do that to be silly. We aren't dating. We realized at a very young age that we're better as best friends than boyfriends.” Seungkwan lets go of his hand in favor of wrapping his arm over Shua’s shoulder. “Sorry, the crutch is starting to hurt, so I'll need more help the rest of the way.” 

Shua knows from both the timing and his tone of voice that it's a bald-faced lie, and he raises an eyebrow at the younger man but doesn't call him on it. Seungkwan responds as if he had, though, giggling adorably, “I'm not dating anyone, so I'm free to flirt with you to my heart's desire.” He pauses and then in a much quieter voice adds, “unless you don't want me to?”

It's a terrible idea, to flirt with his employer, or his direct manager, or whatever the idol now is to him. An even worse idea, since his heart is already so invested in the younger man, and he's fairly certain that the flirting is just a game to him. He's not sure that he'll come out of this whole, once the singer is healed and no longer needs a ‘babysitter.’ He doesn't even know whether the paperwork that he just signed, folded, and shoved into his suit jacket pocket has a defined end date. He'll have to read through it all later with help from Papago and his uncle. But regardless, every k-pop fan knows that idols aren't allowed to date, and he knows that he isn't special enough to tempt Seungkwan to break that rule. But every single time the younger man says something flirtatious, Shua's heart magnetizes towards him just a little bit more. And the day he has to leave, he's sure it will simply rip from his chest to remain with Seungkwan forever.

He is apparently silent for long enough that the idol decides he can do some more convincing, because he starts to sing, “Malhae jweo naege, just stay...Geudaeyeo, Say yes...”

And the way his heart clenches at the sound of his beautiful voice singing things that Shua has always wished would be sung just for him is proof that he should do the opposite of what the song is telling him. “No….” he starts, and feels Seungkwan tense at his side. “I think I rather like it.” Shua finds himself saying.

What the hell, you only live once, and there isn't a single person on earth who he'd rather be broken hearted over. 

Seungkwan stops walking and reaches around with his free hand to pinch his cheek. “I think I do too.” 

# 🎵 🎶 🎵

Seungkwan throws open the practice room door, making a scene of entering, and announces, “Everyone, this is Shua hyung, my new babysitter. I'm his favorite, so don't even bother trying to use him against me.” The words are said so teasingly that everyone takes them as bravado, just his typical affectation of hubris. But even so, there's a firmness to his words that somehow provides the opposite meaning, as if Seungkwan has taken possession of him, said ‘mine,’ and drawn a line around him that the others can't cross. Shua finds that he doesn't mind at all, this claiming of him. 

He loves the idea of belonging to Seungkwan.

And for the first time in years, he's looking forward to seeing where the road he's traveling will lead him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
